It's only been 4 months seance you left us, dear and it seems so much longer than that. and Jeffrey the other day told me he misses your talks. there's so much to miss about you. I miss your talks too. sure I talk to you still out in the air to myself sure that you hear me somehow. but I still get sad cause even though I can be sure I know what your response would be. still no comparison to hearing your voice. or seeing you. I got a job cleaning apartment buildings and I do it myself like when I done the new constructions cleans. and I remember when I would work before you would call me before I get home to tell me your wake now. or your hungry, ask when I"m gonna be home. I miss those calls. I got no call working that day. although being in there by myself I did spook myself out a few times.
when I got home Jeff could tell I had a long day and he said oh mom you been cleaning again? I said yeah. then he came and rubbed my feet. :-) I told him oh I knew I could count on you. he said of course i'm your son. that made me smile. normally I would come home and you would rub my feet.
I know cleaning houses isn't what you wanted me to do the rest of my life..... heck its not what I want the rest of my life. But right now I don't have any other choice. Bills need to be paid..
any way.. I wonder what you do? I wonder are you busy? do you get to relax and visit often? and even if your not visiting can you hear when we talk to you? Do you miss us like crazy? I know I miss you like crazy... I found the letters you wrote to me. I read them from time to time. I like seeing your hand writing. I have your perfume and every once in a while I will spray my pillows. and smell you till I fall asleep to dream of you. more and more your in my dreams.
Sometimes Jeffrey gets pretty emotional and It pisses me off but then I stop and think that's him acting out cause he misses you and probably don't know how to express those kind of feelings. He cant write like I do. or Pray. I try teach him right. and talk to him and let him know how to pray and how to deal with emotions. I don't want him to get older and be bad I know he will never be a perfect kid no one is perfect but I want him to learn how to be the best he can be and put a effort into life. not just float by in life. any way i'm confident we'll be fine. we have a lot of support. and ppl who love us. and we have so much memories and love you left behind. you will always be in our hearts. till we meet again dear...
