Well, now its middle of May, and still the same. some say time heals all pain......? I'm not so sure about that. maybe I am not giving it enough time? but I feel sometimes more than others I have those days where I'm just a big baby and cry for you. miss you, and of course just think of you....
you know I'm baptized now and want to be able to go into the Temple and seal me and Jeff to you? well that includes no drinking caffeine or of course alcohol no smoking, witch of course is fine with me. now I just get every thing decaf, any way. some ppl forget and try give me caffeine. and I say no thanks and then Jeff goes yeah my mom cant have it. then they say why. I tell them well I"m a member of LDS now and thats apart of my religion and I'm working towards going to the Temple so I could seal to Dino.
then of course questions come... well so if you marry Dino in the Temple that means you cant be with any one else in your life time.? I told them if I choose. I would be able to marry someone else cause its death till you part~ but I'll always have Dino as my ~eternal mate~ and then they ask well would if you mess up within the year before you go in the Temple or even mess up after the Temple? then what happens. I told them I wont mess up before and after as years pass if I do mess up not sure? probably would need to talk to the bishop and repent? any way then some one said well if you cant do it I'm sure Dino will forgive you and still love you. I 'm sure he'll understand... and are you sure this is what he even wants?
as for me........... the way I look at it... is.. this is what I want.! I love Dino So much. I always cried at the thought of not being with him. but always knew somehow I'd be fine with out him cause I know life must go on. I know the world don't wait for you to catch up to reality. But I know the Gospel has changed me and helped me get through what i'm going through. I've endured alot in my young life. I feel that Dino helped me be strong. and told me by the time he's done with me i'll be able to stand on my own... and thats all I want to do, is be able to show him. I did learn how to be strong from him. I want to show him I can do it and make him proud of me. I know he'll always love me. even if I fail. but I want him to be so proud of me and happy not just I know you tried honey. I want to hear you tried and you did it.
I remember how much he told me he loved me. and how much he missed me when he was away or I was gone. he always wanted to be with me. and the letters he wrote me. I remember how he told me there was a hole in his heart and I filled it..... thats all I need to know if he wants me to seal to him. I know he wasnt always in the church. I asked him one time. why he told his mom to not ask me to go.? I told him I dont mind going? he said cause I know its not in your heart right now.. and he said that he needed me more at the moment and if I start church it would take away from him. but he did say he believes the church is true. and he wants Jeff to stay in it. and some day serve a mission. and when my whole heart was in it he said for me to join too.
so with all that being said........ I think my Honey would be proud that I chose to put my whole heart it the church. while he's away instead of something bad or some stupid stuff. I think my Honey would be honored to have me seal myself and our son to him. :D
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